Bad 1st day

The Moment I was writing this post...
It was the 1st day and the 1st Hour of
2011 New Year...

First hour ago...
I was just pretending Happy
to welcoming the New year..
I was thinking everything will be fine..
I can keep that all sad feeling in my heart
and just let it be normal...

But Now..
I realised I cant do that...
Pretending is not my style...
Its not Easy for me.. Its Killing me!
I was out of control just now...
i dunno what kind of power push me to SMS him...
Before SMS him, I really know that he wont reply..
I knew it! I had heart prepared before SMS him...
But after i clicked the Send...I regretted...
He definitely didnt reply...
I really understand that....!!
But... why... My heart so Pain now...
Why i will feeling to cry?
and why I feeling so badly Sad... =(

I really cant be stronger...
I really cant live without him...
I cant even think that He will go for other girls...
He promised... He will Always be Mine!
He will married me............T_T

I dunno why i can become so Stupid Idiot...
What kind of brave lead me to Leave him...
Why I said it Out...
Why i Gave Up....
Why!!!

I really shouldnt have LOVE...
All my fault...
I shouldnt belong to anyone...
Nobody... Just be Alone... Y_Y

Miss Him* 12 days